I Went to the Worst Band Audition in the World and Spent the Day in Camden on a Shoestring

I Went to the Worst Band Audition in the World and Ended Up Spending the Day in Camden on a Shoestring

Almost a decade back, when I had just returned home from a long stint in New Zealand, I decided to pull up my socks and join a band in London.

Of course, you can’t simply click your fingers and expect to go on a tour with a 100-strong road crew and a colossal budget, so I decided to go grassroots (something I had been doing in New Zealand) and scour online notice boards for bass player wanted ads.

I come from a place just to the west of London, so the commute into town takes less than half an hour, but I wanted to be amongst the action 24/7. So, in addition to finding a band, I was also in pursuit of a job somewhere in the city. Any old job would do, so long as I could write, play, drink, and rent a room.

After a few fruitless auditions set-up via Gumtree I began to feel disheartened and decided to head up to Camden Town to drown my sorrows in the Good Mixer. After my sixth pint of Guinness I got talking to two seemingly cool blokes who were into the same music as me; they said they were looking for a bass player. “I’m a bass player,” I replied.

Soon after that conversation we got into the shots, so the rest of the night escapes me now—but what I do recall is standing fresh-faced at Slough Station three days later with a newly serviced bass guitar on my back and optimism in my heart. I was heading to Camden’s Scar Studios for the big audition.

It wasn’t long before I realized that the guys I met weren’t all they were cracked up to be; not only were they way too high to play, they were also fairly talentless and hell-bent on playing rocked up pop covers in an ironic kind of way. It wasn’t the experimental blues rock explosion I was promised—or thought I was promised—on that drunken Saturday night.

After trying to force a square peg into a round hole and listening to the story of how the so-called singer once had a jam with Pete Doherty in a boozer up the road for the third time, I decided enough was enough. Did I tell them straight up that I was sick of the pair of them? No. As I didn’t wish to converse with the guys any longer, I left a £10 note on the bass amp, packed up my things and dashed out the door when they went to the toilet, together.

I was a little disheartened but I was in Camden and the day was mine to squander. The only problem was: I hardly had any money.

In fact, I had around £20 to my name and many hours to kill — and I was damned if I was going home.

First of all, I needed a feed, so I walked to the entrance of Camden’s Stables Market to check out what was on offer. Camden Market is famed for its street food (there is everything from Peruvian to Caribbean cuisine to enjoy in its various food courts), but perhaps the tastiest and best value for money are dishes from the Chinese vendors.

Now, there are around four Chinese stands all competing with each other in the same spot, so before I decided which one to commit to, I took advantage of the free samples that were being handed out — a nice little starter. Upon making my choice, I ordered a tub of food from a delicious Oriental Smorgasbord, plus a bottle of water for the grand total of £3.50.

Feeling pretty pleased with myself, I took a walk down Parkway and parked up in nearby Regent’s Park — one of London’s finest public spaces. I chowed down on my feast, before taking a leisurely stroll around the park, enjoy the various landmarks and landscaped gardens along the way, free of charge.

Next, I fancied a pint (I needed one after that terrible audition), so I took a stroll back into Camden and set up shop at the Good Mixer. I grabbed a pint of Guinness and sat in silence contemplating my next move, while watching Amy Winehouse play pool. She left shortly after I arrived. I ordered a second pint for good health, put a few songs on the jukebox and played a game of pool with one of the locals. All in all it was a pleasant two hours and it only cost me £9.

Feeling warm inside, I took my business down to the lock where I watched a busker playing Dylan covers for a while. I gave him £1 and disappeared into the heart of the market.

Camden Market has become somewhat commercialized over the years, but it’s still a pretty amazing place. That day, I remember ducking and diving through the various avenues and alleyways; rifling through vintage garments, Mod wear and old Pete Tosh records to the soundtrack of Northern Soul and the patter of feet, with the smell of incense wafting under my nose. I tried on wigs in the fancy dress store, I listened to people bartering for a bargain and I soaked up every bit of Camden Market’s bustling atmosphere for hours on end.

Not wanting to be a total skinflint, I bought a paisley scarf and Strange Town by The Jam on 7-inch vinyl (roughly £4), before jumping on the tube back to Paddington to make my merry way home. All in all it was a good day, and I still had change from a £20 note at the end of it.

I still cherish that day and, frankly, it just goes to show that you really can make the most of London on a shoestring no matter how expensive people say it is. Well, just as long as you don’t expect to go to the Savoy Grill or the Ritz.

Dan Hughes is a North London based writer with a penchant for oddball fiction, the bass guitar, beer, Bukowski and travelling to strange places. You can find out more about him by getting lost in his Catchy Space.

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