One Is The Loneliest Number But Also An Okay Number Maybe

When I spoke, recently, to someone I love & respect about my ambivalence about having another child, my interlocutor replied, “It’s not up to you.”

For a second, I was confused. Is she saying it’s up to God? Then she clarified: “You owe it to [Babygirl] to have another. Only children don’t do as well.”

“What about Chelsea Clinton?” was my first thought, before I remembered that smile and nod is the only proper response to crazy. And it is crazy to tell someone they have to have more children, or children at all, or not to have children; that’s not something we do in polite society. Yet people cross that line so often it’s like they’re doing the hokey pokey. A good friend told me it was immoral to have just one. She’s an only child herself and for various reasons has had a tough time, so at least in her case her bluntness was understandable.

Still, deciding one is enough is appealing in many ways. Having one kid is a really good compromise between having children and not having children. You get a lot of the benefits of being a parent without too many of the drawbacks. Some people believe this so firmly that they write think pieces about their decisions to be Malfoys rather than Weasleys. (When I write my own think piece, you can bet it will have the words “Malfoys” and “Weasleys” in the title.)

There’s the environment to think of, as this mom points out. And of course it’s more financially prudent.

You save money — and who doesn’t want to save money? All the money you don’t spend on medical bills, child care, diapers and birthday parties — to say nothing of the Disney store — can do a lot to relieve those worn-out pocketbooks. Plus, with all the cash you save, you can expose your kids to things they normally wouldn’t get to see or experience as children.

Mr. Money Mustache is also here to tell you, “Great News! You’re Allowed To Have Only One Kid!” He has even made a fun chart that could help with the decision making.

I don’t need a chart, myself. I’ve identified my variables. All things being equal, I would like to have more than one kid: I have two brothers and they’re pretty great. Though I have lots of wonderful friends, too, I think it can be useful to have siblings as an adult, especially when you have to deal with the decline and death of your parents. Of course, it must be said that no one is guaranteed to have good siblings: I know several folks whose siblings are more hinderances than helps. But life is risk, and I’d rather risk doing too much than too little.

I worry sometimes about being a sufficiently engaged and attentive parent. But money is the #1 reason I’m hesitant about having another kid. Unlike the Malfoys, my little family does not have a Gringotts vault full of gold. We’re not quite Weasleys either but as long as Ben and I are both doing the DWYL thing, adding another human being into the mix seems like madness. Maybe that’s shortsighted? People in worse circumstances continue to reproduce. We could and would probably make it work, somehow. Argghh I don’t know and — in violation of the laws of civilization — people keep asking me.

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