A Review of Pizza Hut’s Nostalgia Pizza

Have you ordered your free Pizza Hut Book It! Alumni nostalgia pizza yet?

I ordered mine last night, and will provide a thoughtful and nuanced review of the experience.

First: the nearest Pizza Hut is a 30-minute walk away, which meant that by the time I got back to my apartment with the pizza, it was cold. That, in itself, is no big deal — but before I put the pizza in the microwave to warm it up, I took a bite of one of the chilled slices.

The overwhelming flavor? Grease. Not even the warm, oozing kind: the cold kind, the kind that’s taken up residence, like dust, in all the corners.

I heated up my pizza and plated it alongside a green salad and a glass of wine. After all, I am no longer a child, and I was determined to enjoy my Personal Pan Pizza like an adult.

The pizza tasted a bit like grease and a bit like black olives and a bit like chew, like the activity of eating it dominated the rest of the experience. It did not taste like happy memories of going to Pizza Hut with my family. It did not taste like reading Five Children and It for the first time. It tasted like a microwaved pizza that I ate alone, with a glass of wine and a green salad, while watching Luther on Amazon Prime.

If there’s one thing that The Sound of Music taught me, it’s that indigestion is a wonderful new world.

And so the nostalgia of eating this pizza continued for the next few hours.

And, unfairly, by 11 p.m. I was hungry again. My stomach was growling at the same time that it was trying to figure out what it had eaten for dinner and how to apply acid to it.

So I had a small handful of almonds, because lady magazines tell me that all my problems can be solved by a small handful of almonds.

And then I went to bed.

I’m really glad that Pizza Hut had the Book It! Alumni program, because I loved doing Book It! as a child and I’m excited about anything that inspires people to talk about books and reading.

But I think the actual pizza should be best left to the favorable haze of memory.

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