Chatting About Amusement Parks

by Ester Bloom and Meaghano

Ester: Good morning, Meaghan! I have the song “Fancy” in my head, which is especially rough since I know about five of the words. How are you?

Meaghan: You mean by Reba McEntire? Wow you are having a better Friday than I am. I’m good! I’m excited we made it through the week, and without publishing any men at that. How are you? Do you have any PLANS this weekend?

Ester: Snort. I mean Iggy Azalea, as you know full well. Yes, it’s exciting we made it! To celebrate, my little family is going to Coney Island tomorrow, where we will meet up with the ’Fold’s own Joshua Michtom, who’ll be in town again with his own rugrats. What about you?

Meaghan: I guess my first order of business this weekend is finding out who Iggy Azalea is (NOT KIDDING).

Ester: Oh my god I feel so good about this! I never know pop music before someone else! Also I just watched the “Anaconda” video yesterday, so hey I am totally with it. (I can’t believe I’m proud of being slightly more plugged in than a bleary-eyed breastfeeding new mom but why lie? I AM.)

Meaghan: I only know what is on the Billfold and what is on the Babycenter forum I am addicted to reading. But WAIT. Coney Island? Josh Michtom? Good thing Josh didn’t send us a piece this week because we would have instantly put it in the Trash.

Ester: True! No offense, Josh, it’s not personal, it’s just that we did a Billfold version of “Unfollow a Man” this week, with Mike Dang gone, and it was kind of amazing. Did you notice?? #EstrogenStrong #BillfoldMommyblogging #TotalSuccess

Meaghan: I do miss Mike but Nicole saved our asses and I hope he had an amazing week without the internet.

Ester: Srsly, thanks, Nicole. #Sisterhood! Okay I’ll stop with the hashtags. But yes, next order of business: CONEY ISLAND. On the very important question of Amusement Parks vs Water Parks, Meaghan, where do you stand?

Meaghan: Oh boy. Amusement! I haven’t been to a water park since I was a kid. I do remember loving water slides, but there was also too much anxiety. Bathing suits, horror stories from Seventeen magazine about tampons flying out, walking around the rest of the day all wet and getting chub rub. It’s just not practical. Also there is just something so sad about standing in line soaking wet in a bathing suit! You?

Ester: Wow, when you put it that way … I always had a hard time with roller coasters, though. My stance, as a child, was, “No thank you, I’d rather live and grow up and have sex and be a famous writer,” so I planted myself on benches, which made my mom crazy. BTW it’s my mom’s birthday today! HBD Mom. Thanks for giving birth to me and also for spending so many hot summer hours on benches with me in King’s Dominion because I wouldn’t ride the roller coasters with my brothers.

Meaghan: Every time I ride a roller coaster I’m like “Well, I guess this is how I will die, and I guess it will be today.” Although to be fair I do that for a lot of things. And yet I love them? I rode a roller coaster for the first time on my 10th birthday, at Six Flags. It was (is?) called the Great American Scream Machine and that summer it went backwards. I did also think I was going to die.

Are you going to ride the Cyclone? How much does the Cyclone cost? I feel like it’s an obscene amount but I’m always like, UGH OK FINE.

Ester: It is obscene. What’s beyond obscene? It’s, like, quadruple-X. I’ve only paid to ride it once because once was enough, thank you very much; why would I pay $7 or more now, I’m sure it’s more now, to get whipped around like clothes in a dryer? I came out trembling and whiplashed and traumatized. Ben, however, had a great time, and apparently Josh rides it as often as possible because Childhood. Give me the Wonder Wheel. Sure, it might be like $10 for a tame, Ferris Wheel-like, “Oh you’re 90? No problem, you’ll still enjoy this & be perfectly safe” kind of ride, but at least I’ll probably emerge in one piece.

Meaghan The Wonder Wheel is TERRIFYING. That’s the thing that moves in a circle but also rocks back and forth right? Slowly dangling you before your own mortality? I genuinely cried the one time I rode it. Never, ever again.

Anyway, ha, per Wikipedia:

When it opened on June 26, 1927, a ride cost only twenty-five cents, about $3.50 when adjusted for inflation in 2012 compared to the actual $9 per ride for the 2013 Season.

Also, per Wikipedia: THREE PEOPLE HAVE DIED ON THE CYCLONE.

Ester: People die at amusement parks! That’s … part of the allure? People have died at Rye Playland, right? It’s always like, okay, let’s stop the Macarena playing on repeat over the PA system for a moment of silence … and then great! More funnel cake and death traps for all. Summer. Do people die at water parks too? (This is getting morbid.) Related:

“One report claimed that in 1987, five to 10 people per day were being brought into the emergency room from the park. The New Jersey Herald reported the park actually bought the town of Vernon additional ambulances to keep up with demand. Deaths were caused by, among other things, electrocution in a kayak ride, drowning in the wave pool and a heart attack in ice-cold water.”

Meaghan I guess people die everywhere. People die at church. But not because their vertebrae are smashed. Anyway guess how much a one-day pass to Disney World is?

Ester: I have no idea! My parents didn’t believe in Disney so I’ve never gone: not to Disney Land or Disney World or Disney France or anything. I feel totally bereft. Tell me how much fun Space Mountain is, Meaghan! And then tell me how expensive it is, so that I can feel good about never taking Babygirl there either.

strong>Meaghan Wow. Dustin is anti-Disney, too, and this is going to be a problem for us. Well, Disney is HELL but it’s also magical. Before I tell you how much it is, let me tell you the best story from my childhood:

My grandparents live in Ft. Lauderdale. I grew up in Alabama then Louisiana, so on the long drive to our grandparent’s, we would drive through Orlando and as young kids, my sister and I would die with longing every time we passed the billboards. We’d stare at the window and whimper and beg and it was torture, really, to be that close to it and then drive by.

Ester: Of course!

Meaghan: Anyway, my dad was a federal agent and one year, on our way back home to Louisiana (I was like, 8) my dad was like, “Oh, I got a beep.” Ha, on his beeper. Which meant we had to pull over somewhere so he could use a payphone. And it just so happened we were in Orlando. So he pulled off on the Disney exit, and drove through into the park. And we were just quiet, quietly tortured. And we went through the parking thing, paying for parking, and we were like, Ugh, all this for a phone call?” And my dad was like well, it’s the closest thing.” And we asked to wait in the car in the Disney parking lot and my parents were like no, “C’mon let’s all get on the tram.” Ha. And only then, like, as we bought tickets, were my parents like “Surprise, YOU FOOLS, we’re going to Disney World!”

Ester: OK, that’s the best story I’ve ever heard. Your parents are amazing.

Meaghan: I think their marriage was already crumbling at this point, heh, but I appreciated it. Anyway: a day pass to Disney World costs $99!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Ester: There are so many things kids take for granted. We used to go skiing pretty often because my mom liked it a lot (my dad stayed in the lodge and did crossword puzzles) but when I went as an adult I couldn’t believe how much a lift ticket was! Babygirl is never going to get to do anything fun. But I believe in you, in the battle of you vs. Dustin. Your child will live to see Disney. Maybe you just have to trick Dustin the way your parents tricked you? “Oops, I just have to make a call … in Orlando … for work …”

Meaghan: Lol, Important blogging phone call, must be made from a payphone! That probably doesn’t exist but let’s see… Also YES it’s so weird to see the Cost of Things (if you will) now, things you begged for as a kid. I had the opposite experience recently, where I saw that those big plastic red cars with the yellow tops (you know? that kids drive in?) are only like, $40. Considering the extent of my lust and how unattainable these cars seemed to me as a child, I would have guess they were… $150?

Ester: Mystifying. Maybe sometimes parents say no just for the sheer joy of it? Or perhaps they have other reasons for refusing besides money. Those cars are awesome. You should buy yourself one now just because. “Happy Friday, Dustin! I bought us a car.”

Meaghan: Just because I can.

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