The Case of the Missing Package

by Mike Dang and Meaghan OConnell

Mike: So I ordered a vacuum on Amazon the other day. It was delivered last night, but when I got home, it wasn’t there. Someone stole the package.

Meaghan: WOW.

Mike: So I emailed them.

Meaghan: Amazon?

Mike: Yes. And I got a reply from someone using a form message.

Meaghan: They are going to send you another one right? I feel like they’re surprisingly good about that.

Mike: Yes, they were like, “okay, sorry that happened, we’re going to overnight another one to you.”

Meaghan: Aw.

Mike: It’s crazy. I’m wondering if it’ll get stolen again. Like, someone sees a big package and thinks there’s something worth stealing in it.

Meaghan: Yeah what can you do?

Mike: I could stay home and work, which I don’t want to do, but I’ll do it if it means not having my vacuum stolen again.

Meaghan: Maybe you can have things shipped to the office.

Mike: Yeah, true. Though I would have to lug it home.

Meaghan: Oh yeah, ugh.

Mike: When I realized someone stole it, I started laughing. Have fun with my vacuum! This was at 11 last night.

Meaghan: So shameless!

Mike: Serves me right for staying at the office so late.

Meaghan: Hard work karma! You should leave a passive aggressive note in your building. Ha, I mean NO but…

Mike: Also, here’s another thing: I think I saw the new neighbor who lives upstairs steal a package.

Meaghan: What?

Mike: Maybe it belonged to her. There was another package from Amazon left downstairs and I saw her circle it for a little bit through my door guest viewer thing.

Meaghan: Wow.

Mike: She picked up the box and shook it. And put it down. And then picked it up again. And then walked upstairs with it.

Meaghan: Wow.

Mike: I mean, I don’t know. I don’t want to accuse her of anything.

Meaghan: WOW.

Mike: Like, what could I do.

Meaghan: Maybe her whole apartment is full of other people’s boxes.

Mike: Can you imagine?

Meaghan: Unopened!

Mike: I am just waiting for her to put out all that cardboard.

Meaghan: Would she strip off the packing label?

Mike: I hope not! I would love for this mystery to be solved. I would also love to have my vacuum.

Photo: Carl Malamud

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.