You May Have Found True Love But I’m Winning Wedding Season

by Lauren Rodrigue

Q: What Costume will the Poor Girl Wear to All Tomorrow’s Weddings?
A: This taffeta-as-fuck little black frock.

Currently slouching toward my first-ever Wedding Season, which, I didn’t know this, but it basically requires you to begrudgingly hand out hundos to anyone who walks by you wearing an engagement ring. Wedding season is expensive. I’m happy for all y’all’s love but this shit expensive. The good news?

This taffeta-as-fuck little black frock was — ready your fainting maids, ladies — $35 on clearance at JC Penney.

THIRTY-FI’ DOLLAS ON CLEARANCE AT JC PENNEY.

Part of the inaugural Pearl by Georgina Chapman line which debuted last winter, this dress is not only fuckin’ THE CUTEST and MOST AFFORDABLE, it’s also got mileage — I tried wearing it backwards (because last night I was hanging out in my room doing my usual Try Everything You Own On Backwards Just To See) and it’s really fun and mildly slutty which means it’ll be great for NEW YEARS.

Worn correctly, which I will be doing for ALL WEDDINGS this season, it has a high, wide neck that makes my collarbones look TIGHT, and a sexy low back that’s just the right amount of hotness to be appropriate for some other chick’s best day of her life. Here it is worn correctly by a person who isn’t a schizophrenic:

Not only was this dress THIRTY-FIVE ONE DOLLAR BILLS (marked down from $80), I also found some ideal Nine West leather peep toes in bright blue for $25, and am borrowing ~~free~~ jewelry from my most well-accessorized friend.

I may love this dress enough to spray paint it white and wear it to my own wedding (backwards) (with a crinoline), and with all the money I saved on my outfit, I can get you that Kitchen-Aid stand mixer you have on your registry just kidding you’re getting the measuring cup set.

Lauren Rodrigue lives in New York.

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