Grab Bag Week: Ferns, Cities, and Beyoncé

by Mike Dang and Logan Sachon

Mike: So, Logan, every Friday we sort of scratch our heads and think, “What are we going to talk about for our Friday chat this week? We have chatted all the chats! There are no more chats!” Today we are going to do a grab bag. We each get three questions of whatever nature we want and will take turns asking them. Okay, I’ll start. Logan, I know you have worked in a flower shop before. You are familiar with lots of plants. If you could outfit your home with three of those plants, what would those plants be, and what would that cost?

Logan: Hhah, um, I like old plants that are grown up and sturdy, and they are usually more expensive, unless you get them off Craigslist from someone’s daughter who is getting rid of them because they were her father’s and he died (my friend gets her plants exclusively this way). Um. Indoor trees are nice, I like those. I don’t really like a lot of tropicals they remind me of corporate office buildings and make me feel ill. So. Very large ferns that are fluffy. Small ferns, too. Maidenhair ferns are a dream. Staghorn ferns, which you hang on a wall and they’re very neat and kind of antlery looking. Also hard to kill, bonus. Fig trees have very pretty leaves. I like weird begonia varieties. Did I say ferns? Tons of ferns.

Geraniums, especially the scented kind and I think they’re real pretty once they get very leggy. Basically anything except the plants that I currently have, which are all dead. I just have pots of dirt in my house. “Art.” When I was a florist I had tons of plants because I’d just take home the dead-ish ones and see if I could bring them back to life and sometimes I could and sometimes I couldn’t and sometimes I did and then I killed them again, but it was all free so it was all fine. Now when I got to the market I drool all over everything and imagine how great my apartment would be with thousands of trees in it and then I’m like, but oh, the subway, the stairs, and I buy nothing. Do you have plants in your house I can’t remember.

Mike: You forgot to say how much that would cost! I don’t have plants. I have a basil plant, but that’s about it. And I have a little plant I brought into the office because I felt like I needed something green and living. Was that your first question for me? If I had plants in my house? Because if so, I’m going to ask question two.

Logan: Ha no that wasn’t my question, I wrote my questions out in an email when you said we were doing this. So imma cut and paste. But first, no I didn’t forget the prices, ha, I just chose to omit them. I was riffing on ferns! It felt great! Why bring money into that! But: It can range many dollars if you buy plants from a Specialty Store that buys them from the market and then doubles the price to free if you go out in the middle of the night and dig up some plants from the side of the road. NOT SOMEONE’S YARD. Just like, a patch of ferns. Existing in nature. That no one will miss if you take one. Um moving on. Okay my question: If the government shut down our website because (some reason) and it was done and over and there was no appeal, and you had to get another job, what kind of job would you get and how long would that take? Also they took all of your money so you had no money. And no website. Maybe you still had your apartment for a few months though. Okay, go!

Mike: Well, I report and write, so my next job would involve reporting and writing. I don’t think it would take me very long to get another job — a few weeks maybe? So I went to journalism school and most of my friends are working in journalism and we often send each other emails saying things like, “Hey! I am hiring someone here at the [media outlet I work at]! Any interest? Know anyone who is interested?” Whenever people ask me about grad school, I always say that the most important thing I took away from it was making all of those connections: Surprise! The people you made friends with in your area of study are now working in that area of study and are moving up in their careers! And I think it’s easier now that I am 30 and have been at it for a while. Getting another job when you’re a recent grad is tough because you don’t have as many notches under your belt. Okay, my second question for you is: Name three cities you’d like to move to if you had the opportunity to do so. Caveat: You haven’t lived there already. Also, why those cities?

Logan: I’d move anywhere basically if I had even the tiniest reason for moving there. I have friends in Burlington, Vermont and spent 1 magical few days there last summer, so if someone gave me a house and a half a job in Burlington, I’d take that. Portland, Maine. Never been, heard it’s A+. I love London and have friends in London and would love to live in London. And then, I don’t know, some bumfuck town somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I always liked that idea. My second question for you is basically the same question, worded a litttttttle bit differently: If someone stole the keys to your apartment and said, it’s my apartment now and also my city, it’s not big enough for the both of us, and then put you in a car to the airport, where would go start your new life?

Mike: I guess, it’d depend on where I think I could get a job, so if I were thinking about it in those practical terms, I’d move to San Francisco. When I was there the other week, my friends said, “Mike, move here! You could get a job! We’d help you find a place to live!” So that is an option. But if I had the option of going anywhere, I guess I’d move to say, Scotland or Ireland. I’d actually like to have it be the opposite of a big city. S.F. is so much like New York. And I found Madrid to be like New York in a way too. I’d like to have a house somewhere that cost a normal amount of dollars, and be able to walk into my backyard and into the woods and then disappear forever if I wanted that. Hah. I’m sure if I had that, I’d go stir crazy, but it has its kind of romance, I guess. Okay, third question. You posted Jane Catherine Lotter’s self-written obituary this week. Maybe this is a really tough question, but how would you like to be remembered?

Logan: Hhhahah. Um. Well, whenever I’m on an airplane, which used to be a lot, there’s always at least one moment where I’m pretty sure it’s curtains and we’re going down and I’m going to die, and during those moments, I’m always like, “alright! ta-da! I feel great!” I don’t have any regrets about my life, I don’t think any of the people that I love have any regrets about my life. I mean my parents obviously wish I made more money, but they’re not going to be thinking that when I’m dead. Or will they. So I guess, just like, as a person who was figuring some things out! Ha I don’t know, Mike. This question makes me want to like, get up and walk out the door and go swimming at the beach. What are we doing inside on computers, what a dumb way to live ahhhh. My last question is: Do you like Beyonce’s new hair?

Mike: Can you show me what Beyonce’s new hair looks like?

Logan: Why yes the link is right here.

Mike: Well, my very first impression of it was: “Oh, that looks like my mom’s hair.” So I guess I like it? But it also makes me feel weird because I don’t want to think of Beyonce as my mom, or, er, bring up mom feelings whenever I’m listening to “Love on Top” or whatever single is charting.

Logan: So you like it. Good, me too. Love it.

Photo: Thomas Sobek

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