My Last Hundred Bucks: A Red Cross Donation and Many, Many Liquids

by Edith Zimmerman

Where did you spend your last hundred bucks, Edith Zimmerman?

$7, Vodka and soda at a bar. ($5 drink, $2 tip because I want them to like me and I do a lot of stupid shit there.)

$4, Two bottles of seltzer.

$3, ATM fee for cash withdrawal from CVS, which is a lot, I know, but my Bank of America ATMs across the street were both out, and I’d seen several in the past few days that were also out, and I was running low and kept envisioning apocalyptic-type situations where I’d have to bribe someone for something crucial, but because I couldn’t find an ATM I’d have to be like, “Here, take my … North Ireland 20 pound note, omg but you can exchange it, omgomgogmgomg.”

$22, Wine from the wine store.

$50 to the Red Cross! Haha, exactly as I always do. But I did actually do this.

$8, Two bottles of seltzer, and a Five Hour Energy drink. I don’t know if Five Hour Energy works (“works”?), and I generally try to avoid processed stuff and bottled drinks, but I also really hate to sleep or get tired, and I like to wander around my apartment and consume things. And then it’s not like I finished these seltzers and had to buy the two others above, but that a friend wanted seltzer, so instead of bringing her my opened/flavored ones (these), I bought her new ones (above). Although the ones above should have cost like seventy cents each, I don’t know why they were $4. Should I go on???

$7, Hummus, onion, stamps.

And haha, too bad this isn’t the last $200 you spent, or you could hear about the crazy stuff I bought at the health foods store. Ask me about jojoba oil!!!!

Edith Zimmerman runs The Hairpin.

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