Pixie Cuts: The Right Financial Choice for Your Head

by Blair Thornburgh

I whacked all my hair off out not out of youthful rebellion but out of laziness and general follicular ineptitude. After a lifetime of bad straightening jobs and ringlets that were somehow both frizzy and limp, I told my hairdresser I wanted to look, and I quote, “like Hermione when she went to college.” And not to get all zealot-y on you, but having short hair is THE BEST. Everyone (girls and boys alike) should do it. And now Miley Cyrus has made it trendy (again)! But going nearly bald isn’t just a last hurrah before becoming Mrs. Gale Hungergames; it is also fiscally responsible. Here are nine ways that short hair saves you both money and time, which is also money! (There are also two ways that it doesn’t save you time and money, but two is such a small number.)

Ways That Having Short Hair Definitely Saves Money
1. Cheaper shampoo. When your hair is a stubby 3/4 inch long, it’s damned difficult to tell the difference between the effects of 2-in-1 bottom-shelf shamditioner and John Frieda Brilliant Brunette (which counts as a Luxury Purchase for me, okay). I have even used Dr. Bronner’s in a pinch with no ill effects besides a slightly rubbery feeling to my hair. And whatever you use, you use less of it! Instant $avings.

2. Cheaper highlights. For those of you who like to paint your hair cool colors with chemicals, most salons charge less (sometimes a little, sometimes a lot) to do pixies. And the even better part about hairdresser visits is…

3. No fancy salon services. Your short hair cannot be blown out or Japanese-straightened or updone. You don’t have to pay for those things because you don’t even get to consider them. Savings by brute force.

4. No hair clips, sticks, and elastics/ties/scrunchies/gummies (this is what my mom called them?). You don’t need them! You can stop hoarding them around your wrist and doorknob! You will never darken the “Hair Accessories” aisle of CVS again! Unless you really want some clip-in extensions for costume parties or undercover missions!

5. Shorter showers. Less of a water bill! Except I share mine with three roommates and we don’t pro-rate based on length of hair (or shower). Yet.

6. Less air-conditioning. Okay, again, maybe not measurable. But heat is way easier to bear unadulterated if you don’t have a drooping knot of frizz stuck to your neck.

7. Sleeping in. This really requires a strong belief in the “time-is-money” credo. But you know what? Not having to spend 40 minutes in front of a humid bathroom mirror with a spazzy, sparking blow-dryer makes my mornings noticeably more pleasant. Would I pay for this? Probably.

8. No temptation for impulse purchases of leopard-print flatirons on eBay. This is a thing I would occasionally web-window-shop for when my chin-length hair was doing That Thing That It Did (everyone’s hair has one, it’s okay) and my roommate wasn’t around to fix it for me. Now, using any kind of hot hair implement would give me a scalp-burn. Savings by pain avoidance!

9. Theft deterrent. Assuming that chain email my aunt sent me about wallet-stealing muggers whose initial method of assault is yanking victims by the ponytail is legit, anyway.

Ways short hair does not save you money (Only two, and also HOT TIPS for having these two ways not cost you that much more money)
1. Trims. Yes you need to get more of these, but here are a couple hot tips for to maintaining a pixie that looks like an actual pixie and not like Florence Henderson’s shag.

• Get it cut a little too short, like skullhuggingly, Mia-Farrow short. Do not fear! Yes, I have had someone take buzzcut clippers to the side of my head. Yes, it was a little weird looking, but yes, it afforded me a little extra time between visits. And yes, I tried to channel Demi Moore in G.I. Jane and no, it did not magically give me the ability to do a pull-up.
• Cheat on your salon. This really works for any kind of haircut, I guess, but salons are popping up on Grouponesque sites every damn day. Most of their deals are for first-time customers only, but if you live in a major metropolitan area, you physically cannot grow enough hair in your lifetime to exhaust all of your salon options. Alternatively…
• Make friends with your stylist. If they like you, a lot of times they’ll do bangs/neck trims for free or cheap, which is really all you need with a short haircut and is great for buying you time. OR:
• Buy some hair scissors. I have cut off chunks of my burgeoning mini-mullet using nothing more than a bathroom mirror and some drugstore snippers and no one can tell (or no one said anything). But go slowly, evaluate after each cut, and definitely do spring for actual hair scissors because a blunt pair of Fiskars will give your homemade haircut the distinctive cowlicked look you want to avoid.

2. Product. I didn’t use it before, and now I do. Hair doesn’t fauxhawk on its own, alas.

Blair Thornburgh has great hair.

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