I Guess I Should Get A Credit Card Again

Maybe.

New Year’s resolutions feel like tiny acts of self-sabotage to me, but this year I realized that if I make one promise to myself it should be to get a credit card.

Currently I’m paying off a $855 balance on a card that I got a couple years ago when I thought I could handle a credit card. Seeing as the card was sent to collections, it is exceedingly clear to me that I couldn’t handle one. My inability to remember a bill payment date was my downfall; so was the concept of credit and the ease with which I could purchase whatever the hell I wanted without feeling a hit in my checking account. I know myself and I know what I’m good at and having a credit card is certainly not one of those things. But now that the credit card I had is being paid off in responsible monthly increments of $100, once that’s over and done with, I might get another one.

Credit cards, when used responsibly, seem helpful. Lots of people I know have credit cards and they use them with confidence, paying off the balance every month and tucking the little guy back into their wallets after every purchase. But do I really need a credit card? I have (very bad) credit. I’m working on fixing that credit, by paying all of my bills consistently and on time. I’d love to have better credit and not to feel that abiding, gnawing shame that comes with knowing that I’d still probably need a guarantor if I were to sign a lease on a new apartment.

A credit card is for an emergency that’s larger than my bank account balance; I’ve been grateful not to have something like that yet, but who knows what the future holds. I could get points! For travel! I could prove to myself that I am responsible enough to use it and pay it off without having a panic attack! But the idea of “credit” feels bad. I already agonize enough over the purchases I make with the money I do have; why would I buy things with money that technically isn’t there?

It seems like I should get one, like I should drink more water and stretch every hour and rest my eyes. If I do, I’ll use it sparingly. I’ll freeze it in a block of ice like they do in the movies. I will pay attention to things like APR and interest rates and understand what they mean instead of pursing my lips, furrowing my brow and closing the tab. If I do get a credit card after I’ve paid this one off, I will at least be smart about it.

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