A Chat With My Mom About Change

El B knows best.

I’ve never purchased a government bond in my life. I don’t even know how. After I left my last job, the employer-sponsored 401(k) I opted into could have been transitioned to my personal portfolio, but instead of moving the funds accumulated through the program,I emptied it and closed it out; transferring the balance to my personal checking account. The would-be retirement savings got added to my day-to-day spending money, which ended up going towards pizza for dinner a few nights out of the week for a several month period.

In college, I had a credit card for a couple months that got declined while I was out dining. It was after a couple attempts to process it that I realized, no, the cashier hadn’t swiped it wrong; it didn’t have a remaining balance to offer. After the interaction, I went home to open all the unpaid bills propping up my dorm TV, and also found the cancellation notice. After high school, I used my unblemished credit score to walk out of an AT&T store with the very first iPhone. Upon returning it, the very kind cashier asked me, “You know you had to make monthly payments right?”

I’ll admit I probably received way less than the basic money knowledge that most kids my age did. Money was something to be unconcerned with, and if I got too curious, my dad would step in, saying “Don’t worry about it” in an attempt to quell my young mind. I never had an allowance, but I did get a daily food subsidy during grade school. Five dollars a day from dad would have barely covered a school lunch and breakfast, without the extra milk, but instead it went towards saving up for video-game purchases. Along with my older brother’s cash, we created a slush fund for new stuff, and also hibernation-like eating habits. Looking back, I realize I was literally starving myself for hours on end to come home to my dazzling Dreamcast library, but none of that mattered on the monthly trip to the game store.

I’ve looked for the knowledge and ability to be the captain of my finances, but whether for reasons of laziness or fear, nothing I’ve done has led to consistent success. I know this method can’t continue. The fly-by-your-seat, trial and error approach to money only works for those that already have a lot, or aren’t concerned with tomorrow. Most people would look up webinars, or visit their local bookstore in search of self-help guides, or subscribe to a bunch of people talking about index funds or whatever. Naturally, I decided to take the easy approach and look for an expert in my own backyard.

My mother, Eleanor Brown, is an entrepreneur, a grade-school teacher, and a seamstress She’s a woman who cannot be so categorically defined. As a quinquagenarian who’s lived through segregation in the south, the rise of the independent woman in the workplace, and motherhood with four millennials, she knows more than a thing or two about change.

Mom, who is affectionately known in Houston as “El B”, recently embarked on a journey to insure her own financial independence. She started a fashion line overnight, and has since balanced the load of handling fourth graders by day, while sewing handmade goods and filling orders by night. I wanted to get some insight into how it was all done. We had a little chat about how her outlook on money has shifted, what dealing with change means, and how we (meaning millennials) can get on the right track.

Drew: You have four children. All boys. We’re between the ages of fifteen and thirty, so that is solidly millennial. Do you have any advice for my generation about dealing with the future and also facing the unknown?

El B: This is something that’s always been in me; to be ambitious and go for what I feel will make me happy, as opposed to thinking something like money will make me happy. I’ve always wanted to know, intrinsically, what made me happy. What I would tell young people is while you’re young, do it. Don’t wait. If you have an idea, if you have a passion, do it. Don’t waste twenty years, and then finally resolve to do something. I never really put an age limit on my accomplishments. I’m fifty-one, here starting a business, and transitioning out of another one, but I feel that had I gone for it years ago, who knows where I would be.

Follow your dreams, which sounds so cliché, but it’s so true. That’s the only thing that will guarantee your happiness. If you have to do something every single day, it may as well be something you love doing, as opposed to something you hate doing. Be ambitious, don’t give up, know that failure is real, and you can’t win all the time. View failure as the groundwork, and fight to keep going, while using it as a benchmark. Don’t look at failure as something negative; see it as something positive. When you fail, realize that, then dust yourself off and do it again with a different approach. Thomas Edison failed twenty thousand times trying to produce the light bulb. He didn’t give up, and eventually he did it. You have to follow through, expect failure, and follow your dreams.

Drew: What’s your philosophy on dealing with change?

El B: You have to deal with it. There’s no escaping it. You have to keep moving forward. If you see something that’s changing, for instance, at my job now, we have some changes happening and some people are freaking out about it. I think, it’s just change, it’s necessary, we have to do it, go with it. Don’t fight it! Because the more you fight change, the more disruptive things become.

Drew: You have this extra income coming from something you’re skilled at and passionate about pursuing. How has your relationship with money changed?

El B: My relationship with money is one that I don’t stress about. Of course it’s necessary, but it’s just a number. It can only tell you direction. Either the number is going up, or the number is going down. I have to stay focused on that. I don’t spend a lot, and most of what I make goes back into the business. I have a really good relationship with money. I make sure I keep an eye on it. I make sure that I’m making purchases that are really helping my business, and not hurting. I try to research. As a result, I stay on top of it, and, for example, my credit score has soared in this last year.

I would like to fight off the dozens of 800-number calls I receive every week, but it seems that a sense of calm understanding will go a lot further. I’ve always been scared of losing money, but even more so now that I’m in a position to make more of it; managing it properly without maxing out all my streaming subscriptions feel daunting. I want to enjoy what I have, but I also know that I have to look out for my future.

I get scared every time I see a credit alert, but the thought of it soaring is awesome. I’m trying to invest in myself, and be more productive in my money research. In looking to the future, I’m optimistic, but I realize that if I need help I’ll have to be the one to seek it out.

Drew Jones is a student in Houston, TX., pursuing a career in journalism in the online medium. He is an emerging writer focused on pushing conversations forward across different perspectives, especially in the fields of politics, culture, and race.

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