The Virtues of Working More

More money

Being able to report that I’m earning more money

More time at my standing desk, reaping the health benefits of standing

The ability to listen to all 9 hours of “Harry Potter: The Complete Soundtrack”

The theory that I will pay down my remaining $13,767.37 of debt more quickly

Also, I want a Fitbit

Gotta have something to do until all my friends get off work

What else am I going to do with my time, stare into the void? I CANNOT FACE THE VOID

Gaah, the Goblet of Fire soundtrack is awful, I’m going to skip ahead

I actually really like creating things

Even listicles

So I saw the trailer for The Theory of Everything and it made me feel bad about myself because I thought I was doing all amazing at being creative but I’m kind of a hack and I’m never going to discover anything about black holes

Maybe if I let myself stare into the void a little more often I might be able to have more original ideas

I don’t want to look at the void, it’s hard enough to look at the news right now

Do you realize The Theory Of Everything’s Wikipedia page begins “For the Stephen Hawking biopic starring Benedict Cumberbatch, see Hawking (2004 film).”

BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

Let’s go back to that idea of “if I weren’t working, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself”

No, let’s not go back to that idea

I gotta work out how Ron can be a time-traveling Dumbledore for the next How Wizards Do Money

Then I gotta figure out how to turn them all into a book and sell the book at Urban Outfitters

Is that even legal? I should ask Reddit

If I had a book deal, I would earn more money

I wouldn’t stop freelancing though

But I would totally buy a Fitbit

You know I’m totally going to buy a Fitbit anyway even though I could spend that $99 on paying down my debt

$99 plus tax and shipping and handling

It’s okay because I’m essentially earning $240 a day now, before taxes

I’m working more too

But that’s okay

I like working

I don’t know what it’s like to stop working

Photo: Jesper Särnesjö

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