Microwave Your Dinner for a Dollar

Hello, Wildcats! Do you love confronting the most tragic elements of humanity as well as cooking homemade meals on the cheap? Have I got a cooking show for you!

Chef Steven Reed manages painstakingly to share the finer points of microwavable cooking (opening jars; spooning out food; mixing food items together in a bowl) while channeling the ever-present black hole within all of us.

To really understand the magic, you have to watch the video. But for those of you at the office without headphones/correct priorities, I’ve included one of the recipes below.

Chili cheese nachos, a dip for 3–6 people.

1. Open the can of chili and put in disposable purple bowl.
2. Open jar of cheese.
3. Microwave both for four minutes, 30 seconds.
4. Stare into the abyss.
5. Like, really lose it for a second.
4. Open the microwave but be very careful, the chili and cheese are hot! It’s okay for Chef Steven because his hands have seen the microwavable contents of a man twice his age, and they no longer have sensation. You however, should use a potholder.
5. Mix the cheese substance and the chili both together
6. Open bag of chips, but take no less than an entire minute to open it, enough time for any passive observers to pull at their faces and emit little screams of existential ardor.
7. Voila!

“This will run ya about six bucks, but remember it feeds 3–6 people so that’s only one to two dollars a person.”

If $6 is too steep, consider Chef Steven’s other microwave recipes:

Creamed corn and potatoes: costs “about a buck” — highly recommend, though since last night someone has put an ad on this one, which I’d argue speaks to the quality of this episode.

Spaghetti: also $1, never seen spaghetti made in a microwave, not something I would pursue except under duress.

Rice-a-roni: $1, highlights include microwaving a plastic knife, inexplicably and the fact that it still takes 20 minutes to make this rice.

Important bonus viewing: Tumblr user spookyandthethief’s sad music remix of the Chili Cheese Nacho episode.


Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.

Comments

More ...