My Last Hundred Bucks: Welcome, Freshmen

by Anonymous

Where’d your last hundo go, Anon?

$10.95: Pack of American Spirits Perique blend. I don’t smoke, except for when I do at parties, and I partied every day this week. It’s freshman orientation week!

$5.06: Iced dirty chai latte. Heard about it from a friend. Had no idea it would cost this much. Should have asked ahead of time.

$6.46: A delightful gruyere/egg/sundried tomato panini at a cafe with friends. This was the only food I bought all week. I’ve mostly been surviving off free orientation snacks: wine and cheese for freshmen parents, free pizza for prospective model UN members, bagels at Hillel.

$45.00: Half a gram of cocaine. I feel really guilty about this one, but my friends and I have been talking about getting some for a while now, and a week of parties seemed like the right time. I picked up an extra shift at my job for this one so I didn’t have to feel too bad about cutting into my “real budget.”

$1.65: Morning hangover coffee.

$7.35: Two bottles of generic pediatric electrolyte drink. I read somewhere (Pinterest?) that this is the ultimate hangover cure. They were BOGO at Walgreens, so I took the leap. The taste is Jolly Rancher soaked in water. No perceptible effect on my hangover. Will not buy again.

$1.00: Another hangover coffee. Cheaper because I brought my own mug this time.

$1.00: Very large cup of Old Style, on tap at Alpha Delta Phi.

$31.43: Tried to throw a party in my apartment last night. All of my friends were too tired to come, so now I have half a fridge full of craft beer, which will take me months to get rid of. I don’t party very much during the school year, and class starts Monday.

Anon is a senior at university. These last hundred bucks were spent during freshman orientation week.

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