Today in Things to Spend Your Money On!

Things To Spend Your Money On, Goofus Edition:

Getting your hands done — and I mean done — so that your engagement ring selfie shines as brightly as the “3.9-carat, princess-cut, platinum engagement ring with a diamond band” your fiancee no doubt spent the requisite several months salary to buy you.

On “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me,” they made sure to mention that this is called a hand lift and not a hand … you know. Repeat as needed: Nose job, hand lift. SMH.

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Things To Spend Your Money On, Gallant Edition:

Haven’t you wanted to be able to call any object you’ve lost, not merely your phone? With this clever little gadget, you can. You attach the Tile to whatever you’re prone to leaving in odd places, like your wallet, your keys, or your conscience, and then when you need it and can’t find it you say “Accio [whatever]!” while surreptitiously activating the app and all your friends will think you’re a wizard.

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Things to Spend Your Money, EVERYONE Edition:

Trotify your bike to make it sound like you’re riding a horse.

Photo via Taber Andrew Bain

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