Refined Dinner Conversation

ADULT WOMAN: “I haven’t been to therapy in a month and I need to go and I want to go but I haven’t done the one thing she told me to do, so I can’t go.”

ME (also an adult woman): “What’d she tell you to do?”

AW: “Taxes.”

ME: “But I thought you got an accountant?”

AW: “I did but she wants me to do this thing I’m not going to do so I can’t talk to her so I can’t do my taxes.”

ME: “What’d she want you to do?”

AW: “Make an excel sheet of all the purchases I made in 2011. You can download the previous year from the bank but not the year before that and I’m not going to do that. I can’t do that. There are thousands of purchases. Thousands. So many thousands. “

ME: “That’s too much. Just ridiculous! I didn’t do that. Which is probably why I owe the government $3500. I need to call the IRS.”

AW: “Never say that word to me again.”

ME: “Okay let’s stop talking about this. Why do we always talk about this?”

AW: “I can’t talk about it with anyone else! If I tried to talk to anyone else about how I haven’t done my taxes in two years they’d be like, why are you a mess of garbage and also why are you obsessed with money.”

ME: “What if you called your accountant right now and left a message.”

AW: “I am not going to do that.”

ME: “What if I called your accountant and left a message? For me. Maybe she can deal with my extra W2s and 1099. And make me owe less than $3500. Also maybe she’ll call the IRS for me.”

AW: “I can’t give you her number. Because then you’d have to say I referred you and then she’ll know I’m still alive.”

ME: “You’re right. You’re right. I’ll find my own accountant. Or, not. It’ll all work out!”

AW: “Yes everything will work out.”

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