The Best and Worst of Visiting My Parents’ House

1. So many snacks
2. Have not been physically uncomfortable once since arrival (central air, ceiling fans, ice machine, pillow-top mattress, multiple couches, etc.)
3. DVR with one zillion movies and TV shows
4. Washer and Dryer IN THE HOUSE
5. Parents

1. So many snacks
2. Realization that I will never have a life this nice, ever (everrrr); embarrassment that I used to think I’d have a life nicer than this (there is nothing nicer than this, my parents are geniuses, what was I ever thinking not wanting to be exactly like them)
3. Humiliating price of entry: Had to enter house through basement, strip, put all clothes in washer on high, bag and seal suitcase, and then streak through the house for a disinfecting shower DESPITE NO PROOF THAT I AM A CARRIER OF BED BUGS (“That may be true, but we’re not taking any chances.”)
4. Questions about “How my credit card addiction is going” from father (dodged)
5. Breaking Bad and Melancholia both erased from DVR

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