I Probably Wouldn’t Live With Me, No

By Logan Sachon August 31, 2012

In an effort to reframe my living situation so that I fall in love with it, I’ve been thinking of ways in which I’m probably a really annoying roommate and perhaps the most annoying roommate.

1. Hoard cups and spoons in my room.

2. Like all of my things to be in one place, so much that I have a dish tub in the refrigerator for my food ONLY.

3. Have own private sponge for dishes.

4. Hair, everywhere.

5. Always think everyone is mad at me.

6. Mostly stay in my room with the door closed.

7. Play Joanna Newsom exclusively, loudly.
8. Leave lights on.

9. Leave fans on.

10. Use all the ice cubes (BUT I DO REFILL THE TRAYS).

11. Never the first person to think, I should scrub this tub.

12. Never make baked goods.

13. I like friends and having them over to my house and also laughing, loudly.

14. Forgetful re: trash-taking out schedule.

15. Go out of town a lot so maybe incite fears of, is she kidnapped? (Or is that just me.)

16. Keep keys on a long chain so I can find them, and the chain makes a scrapy sound when I open the door and I can imagine that this is probably really annoying.

17. Run out the door with great fanfare every morning.

18. Keep large amount of hair, body, and face products in shower.

19. Not particularly vigilant about cleaning leg hair shavings from sides of tub.

20. Don’t keep good snacks in the house for stealing.

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.