Uber Using Ice Cream as a Gateway Drug

People of large metropolitan areas in the U.S.: On Friday, if you download the Uber app, you can push a button on your phone and charge your bank account $12 and also alert a roving ice cream truck of your location. The ice cream truck will come and you will get five ice creams and it will basically be free because you will have already paid with your phone by pushing a button.

The real scheme here, however, is that you will now have an app on your phone that allows you to push a button anytime, but instead of ice cream, you’ll get a black town car, and instead of $12, you’ll be charged whatever it takes to get your drunk self from wherever you are to wherever you want to go. This app is the best and most dangerous invention of our times. I had an Uber binge in San Francisco and my bank account hasn’t been the same since. Even ice cream can’t get me to go near the stuff, that’s how serious this is. So what I’m asking, is: Do you trust yourself with this power? Do you?

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